Some of you may have noticed a series of books out now called “The Complete Idiots Guide To…” various subjects. Now, I don’t know about you, but personally I’m not happy about this. I recently thought that it was about time that I learned the basics of computers, its hard enough having to go into a book shop and ask for “The Complete Idiots Guide To Computers”, but then you feel like a real dummy when you cannot get past page one and you have to go back to the shop and order ‘The Complete Even Bigger Idiots Guide” and then the humiliation is complete when you cannot understand that book and so you have to order “The Complete Biggest Idiot The World As Ever Known Guide”
Anyway forget all that, because you know how normally, not much actually happens and so I have to make stuff up to give the impression that I lead a fascinating life, well this month something amazing actually did happen. It all started a few weeks back after I watched an old movie called “Field of Dreams.
Now, if you have not seen the movie, it tells the story of a poor farmer played by Kevin Costner, who owns a property miles from anywhere, on which he grows corn . Anyway, one day Kevin is just sitting there, minding his own business, quietly going bankrupt, when all of a sudden he hears a voice that no one else can hear and it say’s “Build it and they will come”. Now if you or I heard this, we would probably think, ‘That’s a bit vague, build what and who will come and why am I hearing voices when I haven’t had a drink”
But somehow Kev knows exactly what it means, he must build a huge baseball stadium in the middle of his cornfield, then dead baseball players will turn up to play on it and crowds will flock from all over America to watch and Kev will make a fortune. Obvious really and I don’t know why we didn’t think of it.
Well, it wasn’t a bad movie, but I thought just a tad far fetched. That is until something uncanny happened to me a few weeks back. I was doing a bit of spring cleaning and had just painted over the mould in the fridge. When all of a sudden a voice came out of nowhere and said “Build a 50,000 seat stadium in your backyard with underground parking and a pie stand, get The Osmonds to reform and be the opening act and it wouldn’t surprise me if one or two turned up” Well to say I was shocked is putting it lightly, I didn’t even know The Osmond’s were still alive’ I was also a bit surprised at hearing the voice, but I thought, what the heck, I’ve not got much on for the next decade.
As I said, all this happened a few weeks back, but all ready I’ve cleared a space between the shed and the veggie patch and I’ve nearly finished one chair. Of course there are those around who think I’m mad, but then other great visionaries were also called mad. Think of Nostradamus, Di Vinci and George Higgins, mind you he was mad, he used to live next door when I was a lad. He would often attack us as we played in the street, waving his walking stick and shouting “If you bomb my house again tonight I will deploy my troops in the east” I think he had received a bump on the head in Tobruck or somewhere.
Anyway, can’t stop I want to put 4000 toilets in before the end of the week., just imagine it, a 50,000 seat stadium in my back garden, world class lighting, symphonic sound and The Osmonds strutting their stuff, I should imagine crowds would flock from as far away as the end of the street.
Vote 1 …A man with a vision