I have been very busy with the publication of my first novel, not as you might imagine, a collection of strange thoughts, but instead a serious historical novel about the Great Irish Potato Famine of the 1840’s entitled “What, No Potato‘s”. It’s a damn fine read, full of fascinating insights and for those of you that find yourselves involved in a potato famine, at the back of the book there are some terrific recipes that do not involve potato’s, such as a cheese and onion sandwich. It is available at all quality greengrocer’s from next week. Anyway that’s enough advertising.

Apart from writing I have also been doing abit of reading, infact I have just finished reading a book about natural health remedies and whilst some of the articles made sense, some were definitely on the silly side . I mean i am prepared to believe the latest study by doctors, which has found honey to be a strong antibiotic. This could well be true because how often do you see a bee with a runny nose or a sore throat, but the article about fish was just ludicrous. This article was suggesting that we should all eat more fish as it is good for the brain , basically it was saying eat a couple of portions of halibut and chips a week and you will be more intelligent. Well, call me a big gorgeous thing if you must, but I fail to see the logic in this. I mean if it were true that fish make you more intelligent, then surely a fish, which I presume is made up almost entirely of fish, would be the most intelligent thing in the universe, and yet in reality a fish has an IQ similar to the average tree stump.

I think I can give you an example of what I mean.

I leave my house, I stroll down the main street , it is a beautiful sunny day, I sing a song to myself, something from the new Vera Lynn’s Tribute to Snoop Dogg CD., her version of We’ll Meet Again Ya Bitch is a ripper. Every thing is fine, when all of a sudden a long piece of string appears out of the sky, on the end of it is a hook and attached to the hook is a can of lager, it comes to rest just in front of my face. What is my reaction? Immediately I sense a trap, I sum up the situation, I listen to the can, then I smell it. I try gently poking it with a stick. Only when I am certain that everything is safe do I carefully remove it from the hook. Using a long piece of twine I pull back the ring pull, very slowly incase of booby traps, only after all this will I take a sip, just a small sip first to check for poisons, then finally gulp it down.

Now, let us see what a so-called intelligent fish would do in similar circumstances. He’s floating along, it’s a beautiful day, he’s singing a song, maybe something by Bob Marlin and the Whalers, when suddenly a piece of string appears with a hook on it and a worm attached, what does this genius do, I’ll tell you what he does, a bleeding great kamikaze job straight on to the hook.

I think you can see my line of thinking here. The point is, if you are a bit thick to begin with, you could eat a whale a day and it would not turn you into a brain surgeon or even a brain sturgeon.

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