People often ask me when it was that I first started shaving my head. The story actually goes back to when I was a teenager living in England. My grandfather and I had always been very close and I was devastated when he died. I had always been his favourite, I can still recall when he would sit me on his leg and bounce me up and down, he only had the one leg, he had lost the other during the war, he was actually home on leave at the time but he had lost it and despite an extensive search it was never found. Anyway he would bounce me on his leg whilst telling me funny stories, this must have been difficult for him because I was sixteen at the time and a bit overweight.
I had been at school the day he passed away, when I arrived home my mother broke the news to me and then gave me a note he had written shortly before his demise. It simply read “Be bald and you will have a great future”. Obviously I was a bit perplexed by this, but my grandad had always been very wise and so I immediately shaved off all of my hair. My mother took it very badly, she tried to tempt me into growing it back with promises of expensive jars of Brylcream, but I felt that I should respect my granddads wishes.
Of course going to school was a nightmare, children can be very cruel and being bald and overweight I was taunted with names like “Baldy” and “Sir Winston Churchill“. Still I would not be put off and as I grew up and left school I continued my head shaving. There was one short period when I let my hair grow, but that was only when I broke my shaving arm in a serious hand-gliding accident(a hand-glider landed on my arm) but before long I was back to my streamlined best.
Some woman are not too keen on the shaven look, but fortunately my wife had always fancied bald men, infact, when we first met she had had a crush on Gandhi for many years. Meanwhile my mother was still not happy and even went as far as to buy me a hairpiece from the new “Wigs-R-Us” store. She got me one in the same style as her favourite singer, unfortunately the “Tina Turner” did not do a lot for me.
Some years later whilst cleaning out a cupboard, I came across the old note from my grandad and on close examination using a magnifying glass I realized that a terrible mistake had been made.
Before his death, I had become very interested in horticulture and had spent many months attempting to develop a yellow daffodil. I was devastated when someone told me that there was already a yellow daffodil. I remember my grandad had suggested that I should try and develop a black Fuchsia and as I carefully reread his note, I realized that it infact said “Be bold and you will grow a great Fuchsia”.
As you can imagine I was slightly annoyed by this revelation and immediately got down to the task of growing my hair back. I had decided upon a style not unlike Ozzy Osborne, sort of long all over. Unfortunately nothing happened, and after a few weeks the awful truth slowly dawned upon me that whilst I had been shaving my head, my head had gone bald.
Now this was tragic news, because whilst a shaven head is young, sexy and sophisticated, a bald head is something completely different. That’s something that happens to older men, like nasal hair and the frequent need to tell young people ‘it wasn’t like that in my younger day’
So you can see my predicament, to maintain my image I must keep shaving my head even though there is nothing actually there. Still it must be done and I trust you will keep this information amongst yourselves.
steve …hair today, gone tomorrow.